The Art of Not Knowing Anything

 

Hi, my name is Shenntyara, I’m 24 years old and I have no clue of what to do next or where my life is going – and it’s okay.

As 2016 is coming to an end, I think the biggest revelation that came to mind was the many times I said goodbye.

It was close to 365 days ago as I sat in the room I am in now that I decided to say goodbye to punishing myself for the decisions I’ve made last year; not long after my last kiss to the person I swore I wanted to be with, he left me and I was shattered.

I rung the new year at square one, this year I find myself ironically in the same position. The difference is, I’m taking account for all the small things that matter.

After reevaluating my year as December came, I realize that there were mistakes I’ve remade and moments I missed because I was too focused on making everyone else around me happy. I forgot about myself – something that I’ve recently been reminded was just as important.

The challenges and thoughts I’ve put into my draft folder had overflowed, and nobody I knew can help me unless I wanted to help myself.

A good guy recently pointed to the security guard and asked me “how hard do you think his life is compared to you?” and as much as I hated to admit it, he was right. I’ve been complaining too much about the injustice I felt was handed to me in a hand of bad cards; I feel ashamed and angry at myself more than I was upset at him for pointing that there was a bigger picture in mind.

I guess I’m just procrastinating the inevitable next steps I have to take, and it scares me.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s